Sathya Sai Baba Sandesh on Marriage

Sathya Sai Baba

“Before one is married, one does not know anything about the attitudes of one’s own wife. Prior to the marriage, whatever difficulty the girl may come across, the husband is not going to worry about it. But once the marriage is performed, even if the wife has a small pain or difficulty, the husband also suffers great sorrow. The truth becomes clear from this example that these sorrows and difficulties come half-way in our life, and they are not natural to us.”


 

Marriage should be a life-long partnership
“The antecedents of families were fully examined in tho past before marital alliances were concluded. But today these factors are ignored. People are indifferent to family backgrounds, while they are concerned about the pedigrees of dogs in dog shows! This indifference to lineage accounts for the break-up of many marriages after a short time. This should not happen. Marriage should be a life-long partnership.” Sanathana Sarathi Jan 1996 P 14

 

Sathya Sai Baba gives darshan to ladies

 

Marriage means your life, a whole lifetime together

“Before one is married, one does not know anything about the attitudes of one’s own wife. Prior to the marriage, whatever difficulty the girl may come across, the husband is not going to worry about it. But once the marriage is performed, even if the wife has a small pain or difficulty, the husband also suffers great sorrow. The truth becomes clear from this example that these sorrows and difficulties come half-way in our life, and they are not natural to us.”

“Marriage is like milk and sugar. Men are the milk; ladies are the sugar. … Milk by itself is just protein. Sugar alone is just taste. They must be mixed together to give both taste and protein.

“In the Hindu culture, the wife is called half of the husband … Marriage is a sacred bond and it is a promise you are making to each other because the wife is half husband and the husband is half of the wife. Half plus half is not two but one.

“Selflessness is God. The self which is selfless is God. To feel ‘mine’ and ‘thine’ is ego. Ego is very harmful. It is to kill the ego that two souls are brought together. They can learn to adjust to one another and forget their egos.

“Marriage means your life, a whole lifetime together, not just a few days or a few weeks, or a few years … Marriage is a training ground for fostering tran-sensual love.

“Life is like a ring. The ring is the heart; when that is given, the gift is the heart itself. That is the sacred bond.

“Today there is the tendency of separation, not coming together. Life is full of troubles and challenges. We should not separate ourselves because of these but rather face them together. Now when trouble comes, even if it is small, it separates us. That should not be the tendency, one should give one’s heart to another.” Golden Age pp 140-143, passim

First Understanding, then Adjustment

 

Sathya Sai Baba with baby

 

Marriage is the joining together or bringing together of a man and a woman for the sake of progeny. People should exercise discipline and control in married life. That is why it is said there can be no glory or achievement without discipline. Before marriage, he is half body. Before marriage, she is half body. Lady is always left side. Right side is gent’s. The gent’s body is always the right side of the wife. Now you have only one body. In Indian philosophy or custom this is called ardhangi. (Ardha means half). Wife before marriage is only ardhangi, half body. Now the left side is joined with the right side and you are full body.

“In the future, husband’s troubles are wife’s troubles and wife’s troubles become the husband’s. It is like, if one part of the body is paralyzed, the other part of the body feels the paralysis. And so, your wife must feel your pains and you must feel her pains. Both of your pains are removed by Swami. Both husband should help wife and wife should help husband.

“Sometimes, it is natural for you to have adjustment and understanding. First you must understand each other. After that, adjustment will be easy. First understanding. Second adjustment. Ninety percent of people try adjustment first. This is wrong way around. First understanding.” Vision of Sai, pp 129-130

 

Sathya Sai Baba materialise mangalasutra beads

 

Ramayana: The Wedding

The brides and the grooms were then readied and brought to the stage. As they were all seated on the stage they appeared to light up the entire city of Mithila. The ladies experienced unlimited thrill. They praised their good fortune at being able to witness the wedding of not just Sita but all the four princesses.

This is divine will. If God so wills He can do anything. Who can do what God does? Who can possess all that God has? God alone is the eternal witness. His will alone can accomplish anything.

The wedding was going on. But the four brothers would not raise their heads and look at anybody. In the modern age on the other hand conversations and frivolous behaviour begins much before marriage! But here the brides and grooms sat with their heads lowered in humility and modesty throughout the ceremony.

They carried out the instructions of the priest without raising their heads.

I am narrating these incidents to you to highlight the high order of discipline and idealism entertained in those days.

Janaka stood beside Rama and prepared to give away the bride. He offered him Sita’s hand and said, “Rama, here is my daughter, Sita” But Rama would not look at Sita despite Janaka’s entreaties. This was because the custom of those said that, a woman would become a wife only when the sacred mangalasutra was tied around her neck. Until then the bride and the groom were not expected to look at each other. This was a strict discipline exercised in those days. Such discipline will never appear either today or tomorrow. Sathya Sai Baba, 18 May 2002

 

Sai Baba with his brother and wife
Sathya Sai Baba with Seshama Raju and his wife

Rama: Ideal Son, Ideal Brother, Ideal Husband

King Janaka, who was a karma yogi (one who performs all actions as offerings to the divine, with no attachment or desire for the fruit thereof) and a maha jnani (a realised soul) himself, held Rama’s feet in full view of the court and said, “Son! There is none greater than You. This is Sita, my daughter. I wish to give her in marriage to you. Please accept her.”

But, Rama politely declined his request, saying that he could not do so without the permission of His parents. In contrast, today’s youth make a big show of a marriage proposal. They arrange to print expensive invitation cards with costly designs and colours and distribute to all. That was not the way of Rama. He thought, “We are four brothers born at the same time. Hence, whether it is upanayana (thread ceremony) or vivaha (marriage), it should be for all of us together.” Till then, Rama did not even look at Sita.

Today’s youth are different. The moment an engagement function between a boy and a girl is over, they go to a cinema together. This is not good. Sita did not come out into the open till the muhurtam (auspicious moment) when the marriage was near. Rama also did not look at her till that time. It is only after His parents came to Mithila and Viswamitra informed them of King Janaka’s proposal to give his daughter Sita in marriage to Him that Rama consented to marry her. Even then, He did not look at Sita till the marriage ceremony was over.

The couples were to exchange garlands as part of the wedding ceremony. Rama, Lakshmana, Bharata, and Satrughna were standing in a line, ready to garland their brides. Rama was the eldest among the brothers. Hence, His bride Sita was to garland Him first. Later, the other brides were to put garlands around their respective bridegrooms.

Sita stood in front of Rama holding a garland. But, Rama did not look at her, since the marriage ceremony was not yet complete. Till then, she was a stranger to Him. It is a great sin to look at a “Parasthree”, a woman who has not yet become His wife -that was Rama’s view and ideal. Sathya Sai Baba, 14 August 2006

Reflection:

In all fields of human endeavour, Sathya Sai Baba tells that we should be looking into every aspect of any project or activity, knowing all the components, all the tasks, all the options, and all the different aspects, roles played by others, duties and responsibilities. We should look into everything. On this page, we have given excerpts from the Sandesh and teachings of Sathya Sai Baba, who came to restore dharma on a firm footing, to foster devotees, to foster the Vedas, and to foster the study of the Vedas and other sacred teachings.

Discourses and teachings of Sathya Sai Baba should be taken into consideration by all parties to a marriage, along with the service of the learned astrologer and then only the marriage should be performed since the marital union is the most fundamental ritual in the life of mankind. This is the service of Sai Bharathi, for, as well tell on the main page of this website, the workplace becomes the temple; agastya nadi astrology along with marriage, synastry, compatibility checking, dosham removal, muhurtam and performance of rituals; all these add up to the swa-dharma of the Astrologer, the duty, the task, the role and the offering. All nine forms of devotion are included in the seva and swa-dharma of the Astrologer.

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