Infatuation, Romance and True Love

Sathya Sai Baba with flowers

Infatuation is about the collapse of boundaries and re-imaging the other into the perfect other; one makes a Surya (a shining Sun of perfection) out of the one they have fallen head over heels for. Putting Surya (as shining Sun of perfection) in the eyes or in the eyes of the other is not the human task; Surya rules the heart, and resides there as the immortal atma.


Love or Infatuation


The problem with falling in love is that you fall over. Literally head over heels. This is a projection of energy within outside to another person; the other is the idealised perfection that is within the lover, not the beloved. The other is seen as the projection (project, to send out) of one’s favourable or divine traits. In this state, all that is not nice or salutary is overlooked – imperfections are simply washed away. An idealised other is a static other, a snapshot frozen in time. People don’t freeze in time, puppy dogs grow up and become big dogs. You cannot make another person stay the way they were or the way you like them. Love is not possession of a person, territory of a body.

In the language of the moderns, they hit on someone, they crash and burn, and move on to the next one. Satisfaction – of needs and desires – becomes an eternal quest until the other with whom you feel comfortable with is found. One philosopher told, “Most of the time you are together, you will be talking; can you spend the rest of your life talking to this person?” There are a lot of questions to be answered in distinguishing between infatuation and love.



The key issue with infatuation is the collapse of ego boundaries. One collapses boundaries to include the other within one’s personal psychic and mental state. Sooner or later, the rose coloured glasses are going to come off. The two people will erect their boundaries, and the scales of perfection will be peeled away from the eyes. What happens then? It gets complicated. Persons who have married after “falling in love” will generally confirm that they “hoped that their idealised, made-divine, heart-love state will continue forever. What actually happens is the navamsha chart with its energies comes into play. (Navamsha chart represents the spousal partner in life.) After marriage vows and setting into joint life, the spouse does what they are supposed to do: become a mirror. The fellow – or lady – who has fallen in love gets the full mirror view of oneself from the spouse.



Spiritually, the mirror view – reflect you back to yourself – this is actually the task of the other; the other task is to love you. Love is not attachment, love is not responsibility for your actions (or lack of action – you are responsible for your gunas, your impulses to action). The other person in a relationship is not there to keep you as a pet or a favourite child. The other person has life tasks and duties to fulfil; so also, do you. Therein begins the dharma of marriage.

“The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his or her solitude, and thus show each other the greatest possible trust.

The seventh house is a very influential house in astrology. Generally the seventh house is the second most powerful house in the chart, after the lagna or Chandra lagna. The seventh house displays the blueprint for marriage, the character of the first spouse, and the challenges one will meet through one’s spouse. The seventh house always signifies the first marriage, but its blueprint continues to affect subsequent marriages.

The seventh house rules the opposite polarity to the self – whatever that opposite pole is. The opposite pole can arrive in many different packages. The seventh or the marriage house governs all energy exchanges – energy coming in, energy going out – between spiritual beings and their psychic projections.

The principle issue in love is trust; trust to share one’s intimacy, trust to share one’s passion, and trust to share one’s commitment. Human loving can be compared to a triangle, one side is intimacy (knowing and being known), another side is passion (the giving and receiving of energy) and the final side of the triangle is commitment; one’s plighted troth. These sides of the triangle build shared boundaries of love, which cannot be shattered. Recall, children test the limits, and where strong love exists – wherein the boundaries or the sides of the triangle cannot be broken, there children live, learn and experience love that can be relied upon – no matter what.



Any spouse would have been known by one for many, many past lives. When it is time to activate the joint past-life karma, attraction happens (usually via Venus or Rahu) and if Rahu is somehow associated with Venus or the marriage houses, there is a marriage. Whether conventional or unusual in configuration, marriages manifest past-life self-knowledge and this is very much to a purpose. Attraction is all about matching energy. We humans are attracted to others who possess qualities we lack – but need and want – in order to psychically complete ourselves.

Jataka Parijata advises Venus produces peril through such causes as:

  • drink and diabetes,
  • arising from the diseases of the beloved women,
  • associated with a result induced by addiction to females,
  • endeared by excessive gallantry.

Jupiter and Venus together in the same house gives rise to ati-kaama yoga; excessive sexual desire. This needs to be managed as the human is not the senses, not the body, not the mind. Sexual desire is not grounds for marriage. Fulfilling sexual desire is not the goal of life; sexual activity belongs in marriage and nowhere else. If one has sex with other partners before marriage, two things are incumbent: one, the marriage will fail, and two, one has to come back and finish of with the sexual partner, i.e., one has to reincarnate, marry and finish.

Infatuation is about the collapse of boundaries and re-imaging the other into the perfect other; one makes a Surya out of the one they have fallen head over heels for. Putting Surya in the eyes or in the eyes of the other is not the human task; Surya rules the heart, and resides there as the immortal atma. Love and marriage are about strong values, strong boundaries, strong principles. Love creates space, a space which has very strong boundaries into which children may be born and experience the full security of marriage.
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